How to Unlock Your Personality Again

Exploring what school and algorithms tried to take away: your self.

“Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel.” —Socrates

The river of life is easy to get caught up in. Your parents teach you the basics; eating, sleeping, going to the bathroom. Then one day you get tossed into the school system.

Early on it’s pretty cool. There aren’t too many requirements, you’re learning how to interact with the people around you, making mistakes, learning. You’re figuring out who you are, testing the limits of your personality.

Somewhere, I think around the 4th, 5th, maybe 6th grade, that opportunity dwindles. Our drive to figure out who we are & willingness to fail are suppressed. We quit dancing in front of our parents, quit imagining fictional realities with our friends, and quit trying imaginative answers when asked a question by the teacher. We stop truly interacting with the world.

Unlocking your personality again

The school system today produces followers, not innovators. There are many reasons for this — namely lecture-based learning is more prevalent than project-based learning, especially in high school and college. There is also a lack of individualization when it comes to teaching, resulting in squeezing every personality into one rigid mold.

But I’m not here to rebuild the system. On the other side of it now, I see some opportunity to reclaim the innovative and explorative personality that was lost in early childhood. An opportunity to find new limits to who I am; who you are.

“No man was ever wise by chance.” —Seneca

Read more.

Many people don’t want to hear it, but if you’re here reading this, then you’ve already made the choice to try it. But I suggest this as an alternative to social media. Social media is similar to school, similar to most things in life, you are at the mercy of the algorithm, letting it guide your interests, who you follow, what types of media you see and in some way, it guides parts of your personality as well.

In my short tenure as a reading advocate, I have found that this form of learning and entertainment allows you to take in more information and come to your own conclusions. You have all the context; you are not simply given just the answer or just the recommendation. You are empowered, growing the skill to decide for yourself.

As a side note, I have noticed that the general act of swapping social media for reading has improved everyday interactions, allowing me to be more communicative and enjoy the points of silence and reflection during the day. I used to feel almost a sense of dopamine withdrawal during these moments, before making the switch.

“Man is nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play.” —Heraclitus

Find moments alone, and scream your head off.

In the car, driving to work or school is the perfect opportunity for this. Sing your favorite song at the top of your lungs, burst out every thought that pops in your head. If you’re doing it right, you should look like a crazy person to anyone passing by.

What does that feel like? There’s almost a sense of freedom that hasn’t been felt since you said your first curse word. That’s it. You just found the edge of your personality. Now come back.

Ask yourself: where can I find balance between this extreme version of me and the one I present to the world?

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” —Aristotle

Take a trip, alone.

It doesn’t have to be across the world or even across the country. Drive to a different town and stay for the weekend. Sleep in a hotel, sleep in your car, it doesn’t matter. You simply need to learn what it feels like to experience solitude.

This works best if you remove distractions. For me, a weekend camping away in the mountains without cell service is the most effective form of this exercise. For the most part, it is just me and my own thoughts. This will feel extremely uncomfortable at first but that is natural.

Again, it is a feeling of withdrawal… but on the other side of it you will regain interest in the natural and simple. You will be content with no distraction. Sitting alone in silence. Your only company is yourself.

Bring a book on something that you really want to learn about. A true interest of yours.

Even if you only know the basics, play an instrument and make up songs.

Sit and focus on your breathing in an almost meditative state, and listen to all the individual sounds around you.

Count the stars.

Find gratitude for the people and things that you already have in your life.

Say more than just “hello” in passing with a stranger. All of the things your mind has blocked you from doing.

On the other side of this, you will find an appreciation for the world around you. You may realize that what felt small before, like a narrow path of life, has now opened up to endless opportunity. You now get to choose to express yourself more freely without the shackles of the societal pressures placed on you in childhood.

These techniques helped me regain my individualism/personality and have completely changed how I operate on a day-to-day level.

I hope they can for you as well, and if not completely, at least be a start to re-discovering who you are and who you can be.